I Miss You

I was reading your blog cause I miss you Sand, Today I saw some old friends and I missed our chats, our laughs and craziness. When I got home I had the same feeling I used to have after going out together and acting like ourselves. I really hope you are happy I wish you would have the chance to meet my other half you would have loved him simply cause he makes me happy Sand He really does in a way he helped me get over losing you. I somehow missed seeing your blog the first on the list of my updated blog roll.

I really hope you are happy wherever you are and really wish you would come to visit soon even in a dream. Do not be a stranger. Be Happy and Well my friend.

Sand Passed Away

I hate to break the bad news everybody but yesterday at 9 PM the doctors in the hospital decided to pull the plug and she swiftly and peacfully let go.

Although I am really torn about it but I am glad that finally she will be safe and happy cause no one is going to take care of her more than God.

Rest In Peace Sand. May you be happy and Safe wherever you are.

Allah Yer7ameek and Yes3eddek.

C O N T R O L

Why is it that we always want control? Never understood why, is it cause we always want to feel strong or feel we are stronger than someone else? what is it that makes us get off when we see someone powerless and can not defend him or her self. I mean what is so great about control which is by definition is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over someone.

I never understood the whole concept of BDSM, which is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or DS), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities and forms of interpersonal relationships.

What is so great about tying someone you love and care about and see fear and lust in their eyes. I always thought it was degrading but you never know how far can you go to satisfy the person you love and see it in their eyes that you can turn them on and keep them satisfied it gives a sense of fulfillment that you have this effect on them. That they do not only love you but you can satisfy them you can make them moan from pleasurable pain watch it on their face that they want more they do not want you to stop. That at some point among the physical satisfaction you both feel as one and when you pull away they beg you and pull you back asking you not to stop and be there with them continue your unity and continue being there cause this feeling is too good for you to stop they want you to be there and for this feeling to last for good. It is so great to feel that your loved one can not pull away from you and that it cause you physical pain when they are not around..

Amazing how far can you go to feel that, amazing how many rules you can break and how you can hurt yourself for the sake of feeling you make them feel their lust for you and how good you are in satisfying them and that for once in your life you are good enough for someone even if its by being tied up and feeling pain for them to feel satisfied..

Thinking about it now it makes me think was it love? Or was it pure sadism? What is it that they can make you feel pain and yet you do not want them to stop to see this look in their eyes once more..
God, I just do not know..

M I M I C I NG

Can you imagine being empty and out of anything that you take people experiences and events and put it as your own? Can you be that empty and Dull?
What would you do ladies and gentlemen if you woke up one day and found yourself stealing other people's stories and experiences and saying they were yours to get people's attention and concern? Or Simply making up stories about friends and close friends just to have something to say or make yourself feel you have something going on in your life?
What would you do then? Kill yourself for the attention or fake your own death and lurk around the corner watching people forget about you in a second.
Beats the fuck out of me!!

My Encounter with the X

Okay yesterday had a sleep over at a friend's house we had a blast went on a fluka trip which means that we had a lot to drink we took the fluka which is a small boat in the Nile at 4 in the morning drank a lot of ID green apple which is my favorite after the 6th bottle I kind of felt tipsy. So at 8 when we got off the boat we decided we should head and eat something sort of like breakfast. As soon as we sat down I spotted my X sitting at the next table with a girl.. He got up headed towards me and decided to say Hi.. I did not even stand up ..

Him: How are you Sand?
Me: I am good, how about you?
Him: I am fine, glad to see you are feeling better..
Me: Well and how is Willie? "
Him: "Looked bluntly at me and did not believe what I was saying"
Me: Still having trouble standing up on his own?
Him: "with the blood rushing to his face" turned around and left..

Of course needless to say that Willie is what we used to call his pecker I was not that drunk but it felt good to embarrass the hell out of him..
Pay back is a bitch sometimes

Why?!

Why is it always that we want the things we can not have? I truly and honestly do not understand what our poor and twisted soul wants from us? We reach high stepping on the tips of our toes and trying to reach for the stars and yet we fall and we do not learn the lesson that we simply can not have it. Yet the mirage and the illusion there keeps making us try and get up and do it all over again not understanding that by every single error and fall we take we loose little shreds of our heart and soul that at some point in place and time, there will be nothing left..

You never go

You’re always here

Beneath my skin 

I cannot run away

Fading slowly

Give it all to you

Reaching as I fall

It’s already over 

Already over now

My best defense

Running to you

I can’t resist

Take all you want from me

Breaking slowly

Give it all to you

Reaching as I fall

It’s already over now

Loving you again

It’s already over

Already over now

You’re what I reach for when I fall

It’s already over

You’re what I reach for when I fall

It’s already over now

Red - Already Over Part Two

A kick in the Balls

Yes, today my very proud self kicked a person in the balls in the subway. Okay I was on my way home and it was not that crowded as it usually is in the subway but this guy kept on standing behind me too closely I was like fine may be he liked how my hair smells and then he starting to get closer and of course after that I recognised it was not my hair he was interested in !! I backed away for a bit but still this guy kept on nagging me and then I turned around looked at him to see his stupid grin on his face expecting me to have a conversation with him cause I was facing him now..
But the only conversation that took place was between my knee and his balls.
Jerk, I hope he was in a lot of pain..