Sand Passed Away

I hate to break the bad news everybody but yesterday at 9 PM the doctors in the hospital decided to pull the plug and she swiftly and peacfully let go.

Although I am really torn about it but I am glad that finally she will be safe and happy cause no one is going to take care of her more than God.

Rest In Peace Sand. May you be happy and Safe wherever you are.

Allah Yer7ameek and Yes3eddek.

C O N T R O L

Why is it that we always want control? Never understood why, is it cause we always want to feel strong or feel we are stronger than someone else? what is it that makes us get off when we see someone powerless and can not defend him or her self. I mean what is so great about control which is by definition is to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over someone.

I never understood the whole concept of BDSM, which is a complex acronym derived from the terms bondage and discipline (B&D, B/D, or BD), dominance and submission (D&S, D/S, or DS), sadism and masochism (S&M, S/M, or SM).BDSM includes a wide spectrum of activities and forms of interpersonal relationships.

What is so great about tying someone you love and care about and see fear and lust in their eyes. I always thought it was degrading but you never know how far can you go to satisfy the person you love and see it in their eyes that you can turn them on and keep them satisfied it gives a sense of fulfillment that you have this effect on them. That they do not only love you but you can satisfy them you can make them moan from pleasurable pain watch it on their face that they want more they do not want you to stop. That at some point among the physical satisfaction you both feel as one and when you pull away they beg you and pull you back asking you not to stop and be there with them continue your unity and continue being there cause this feeling is too good for you to stop they want you to be there and for this feeling to last for good. It is so great to feel that your loved one can not pull away from you and that it cause you physical pain when they are not around..

Amazing how far can you go to feel that, amazing how many rules you can break and how you can hurt yourself for the sake of feeling you make them feel their lust for you and how good you are in satisfying them and that for once in your life you are good enough for someone even if its by being tied up and feeling pain for them to feel satisfied..

Thinking about it now it makes me think was it love? Or was it pure sadism? What is it that they can make you feel pain and yet you do not want them to stop to see this look in their eyes once more..
God, I just do not know..

M I M I C I NG

Can you imagine being empty and out of anything that you take people experiences and events and put it as your own? Can you be that empty and Dull?
What would you do ladies and gentlemen if you woke up one day and found yourself stealing other people's stories and experiences and saying they were yours to get people's attention and concern? Or Simply making up stories about friends and close friends just to have something to say or make yourself feel you have something going on in your life?
What would you do then? Kill yourself for the attention or fake your own death and lurk around the corner watching people forget about you in a second.
Beats the fuck out of me!!

My Encounter with the X

Okay yesterday had a sleep over at a friend's house we had a blast went on a fluka trip which means that we had a lot to drink we took the fluka which is a small boat in the Nile at 4 in the morning drank a lot of ID green apple which is my favorite after the 6th bottle I kind of felt tipsy. So at 8 when we got off the boat we decided we should head and eat something sort of like breakfast. As soon as we sat down I spotted my X sitting at the next table with a girl.. He got up headed towards me and decided to say Hi.. I did not even stand up ..

Him: How are you Sand?
Me: I am good, how about you?
Him: I am fine, glad to see you are feeling better..
Me: Well and how is Willie? "
Him: "Looked bluntly at me and did not believe what I was saying"
Me: Still having trouble standing up on his own?
Him: "with the blood rushing to his face" turned around and left..

Of course needless to say that Willie is what we used to call his pecker I was not that drunk but it felt good to embarrass the hell out of him..
Pay back is a bitch sometimes

Why?!

Why is it always that we want the things we can not have? I truly and honestly do not understand what our poor and twisted soul wants from us? We reach high stepping on the tips of our toes and trying to reach for the stars and yet we fall and we do not learn the lesson that we simply can not have it. Yet the mirage and the illusion there keeps making us try and get up and do it all over again not understanding that by every single error and fall we take we loose little shreds of our heart and soul that at some point in place and time, there will be nothing left..

You never go

You’re always here

Beneath my skin 

I cannot run away

Fading slowly

Give it all to you

Reaching as I fall

It’s already over 

Already over now

My best defense

Running to you

I can’t resist

Take all you want from me

Breaking slowly

Give it all to you

Reaching as I fall

It’s already over now

Loving you again

It’s already over

Already over now

You’re what I reach for when I fall

It’s already over

You’re what I reach for when I fall

It’s already over now

Red - Already Over Part Two

A kick in the Balls

Yes, today my very proud self kicked a person in the balls in the subway. Okay I was on my way home and it was not that crowded as it usually is in the subway but this guy kept on standing behind me too closely I was like fine may be he liked how my hair smells and then he starting to get closer and of course after that I recognised it was not my hair he was interested in !! I backed away for a bit but still this guy kept on nagging me and then I turned around looked at him to see his stupid grin on his face expecting me to have a conversation with him cause I was facing him now..
But the only conversation that took place was between my knee and his balls.
Jerk, I hope he was in a lot of pain..

Is that healthy?

Okay a friend of mine is going away for a while but it is not a normal friend you see its one of the friends that you talk like a multiple times a day and go out for coffee when you are down or not feeling like going out with people where you have to put on your civil face. Now my Question is..

Is it healthy to get attached to a person like that? That you feel down when they are not around? I am not talking about the sentimental crap and romantic attachment cause this friend is a she by the way..And now to the answer of the question that popped in all your "innocent" heads is "No, I do not swing that way if you know what I mean, not yet anyway ;D.."

I mean why is it that we get attached to a certain person? Is it that hard that we find someone who find it okay for us to be who we are? And is it cool to keep close to such a person? or You should keep your distance and get used to that fact that at some point in time this person might not be around?

I need an answer boys and girl?

Now I leave you with a song that a friend of mine introduced me to and I can not stop listening to it ever since.. You really should download it..
Here is how it goes..

"I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
Picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I hauled Sixteen Tons of number 9 coal
And the store boss said, ""Well, bless my soul""
(Chorus:)
You haul Sixteen Tons, whadaya get
Another day older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store
Repeat Chorus
Born one morning it was drizzl'n rain
Fightin' and Trouble are my middle name
I was raised in a canebrake by an old mama lion
And no high-toned woman make me walk the line
Repeat Chorus
See me comin' better step aside
A lot of men didn't and a lot of men died
I got one fist of iron and the other of steel
And if the right one don't get ya, the left one will
Repeat Chorus
Born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine
Picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine
I hauled Sixteen Tons of number 9 coal
And the store boss said, ""Well, bless my soul""

Ernie Ford - 16 Tons

WTF?!

A friend of mine was feeling really down cause she asked a guy out for coffee and the ass said "No". Needless to say that my friend is really nice and considered one of the good bunch that you could actually sit down and enjoy an entertaining and witfull conversation.
Now upon her demanding a reason why, the guy gave her the worse excuse ever which simply did not add up. She came clean and said that it was fine if he told her that she is simply not his type. He insured that it was nothing of the sort and stuck to his stupid reason.

I do not get it what is wrong with the fact that a girl ask a guy out for coffee? What could this guy possibly loose if he said yes and went out for the 20 minutes cup of coffee is simply beyond me?
My explanation is either he gets intimidated by women who knows what they want and go for it? Or he simply found it weird that she did asked him out.

Now the question would you do the same if a girl out of the blue asked you out? Would you prefer to be the one who is hunting and not the hunter?

A simple question that really is confusing me..

PORN

recently I have discovered that my brother is watching porn , big deal and when I walked on him while he was watching it his face got yellow like a lemon and I smiled and left him the room for an hour he finished got out all flushed and avoiding eye contact he went out..
I never understood why porn is such a taboo subject? I am not talking about religion here don't get me wrong I am talking about socially speaking its a release for a physical need we all have. I mean what is better to actually go and bang a girl or watch a 15 or 20 minutes movie got comfortable and voila you are done, no harm done and every one is happy but why hiding it?
I have watched my share of porn on those happy times when the need kicks in and I have news flash for everyone, girls watch porn like guys but they never talk about it even to each other. Its unreasonable taboo that I do not understand why everyone is not hiding smoking is considered a wrong deed and so is smoking weed or doing drugs but I do not see anyone is hiding it except from the police or when you do not feel like sharing. Can someone please explain it to me?

Lost

I have lost my virginity, here I have said it out loud. Yes, I know it is wrong I know my relgion and up bringing taught me better but I did lose it. I do not know what to do now I know marriage is out of the question now with yours truely not being a virgin anymore and that I have signed a life time of loneliness and being on my own just for a simple and utter stupid mistake.

I did not tell my parents, nor anyone in fact that is my first dealing with the matter in a balanced way. Here I have said it. Did not imagine this would be my first post but what better way to start the conversation.

See you all around.